I know we don't need yet another black women trying to answer the question as to why so many of us are single in our late 20s , 30s, and even 40s. There are many thoughts that all revolve around the old mantra, "the numbers are against us". But I offer a new (well maybe not new) consideration. Here, I'll give a little background to lay the foundation on how/when I came up with this philosophy.
I was at an election night party in Raleigh, NC. Everyone was excited. We were all just getting off work, so most were dressed quite well. There were smiles from wall to wall. Men and women from all over with the same agenda in one place, seeing the first black president elected. Halleuja!!! This would appear to be a perfect set-up for singles to meet, greet, and seek. To the contrary, it was like any other gathering of black professionals. The women were talking to the women, the men were conversing amongst themselves. "WTF is going on here," I'm thinking.
Then I saw it.
Staring me dead in the face; why the college educated, melanin-endowed population can't hook up. We're snobs!! Yep, I said it and I'm not leaving myself out. We went to college and they told us we were part of this elite group, the exceptional folks. If you went on to professional school or grad school, Lord help the person who didn't recognize and give you your accolades. THEN, we devote ourselves to career, education, and ambition for years, even a decade or more and come out single. This same highbrowed attitude follows us out to our personal lives. Women look at men and size him up by shoes, clothes, or his greeting. (Really, can someone really say they know you simply by your hello.) Men, I can't speak for you, but from hearing some of my well-read brothas talk, the sentiments aren't that different. They want a sterotype of a woman that is only seen on my favorite show (before it was cancelled), "Girlfriends". Weaves, shoes, and going to the next casting for the upcoming Lil Wayne video.
With all of that, most of us still possess a lack of confidence when it comes to mating (such a dry word). We are superstars on the job and admired in our families, but outside of our bubble there is fear of rejection. We can't control it the way we did our studies, our marketing projects, or job interviews. We are at the beck and call of a stranger and it's hard and scary to relinquish that control.
So enough with my psycho-analysis. Tell me what's on your mind.
2 comments:
I actually agree with you...I think I said that a long time back...I can't figure out why some of my single friends are single...some I know are just getting to realize they aren't their jobs, or their education, or what their parents have and so they don't even know how to present the real them...others are too stuck to the list they have of "will do's" and "won't dos"...
I woulda been thinking the same thing @ that party...everyone waiting for someone to approach them and confer upon them how nice they look, how smart they are...all the things that don't buy love.
I also suppose, its a matter of being ready. and it may be better than people aren't just getting married because its the right time in their lives...that would raise the divorce rate and we'd have even more kids running around with broken families.
I have a feeling we are all moving toward a more centered being (I'd like to hope), where we are being who we really are and can convey that being to someone else we find attractive at an outing like the election party...
great thoughts.
thanks for sharing!
You know I'm actually tired of men, thought I'd never say it but I'm tired. I think I turned into an angry black women I don't put anything past anybody. I know I've dated bums, but college educated men are worse. The few that I've talked to have been worse then my plethora of psycho bums put together, BECAUSE they are educated, they are snobs and man hoes ^_^. Then again I go to ecu there are nothing but hoes out here... Not to put a title on everyone but, the few goods ones are so stuck under their books no one knows who they are.
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